General Surgery Realizes They’re Becoming the British Empire of Surgery

Local General Surgeon, Arthur Wellesley, reclined in his leather armchair yearns for the days of General Surgery domination of nearly every aspect of Surgery. “Back in the day, our forefathers controlled everything. We did the amputations, C-sections, mole removals, heart surgery, all of it. But look at us now, we excise accessory organs, patch hernias, […]

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New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

BOSTON, MA – The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus on studies that showed no effect on patient outcomes, will publish its first edition this July. “We felt there is a large niche this journal can occupy,” said Editor-in-Chief Christopher Reese, […]

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The Michael Jordan of Interns Retires After Curing His 6th Patient

CLEVELAND, OH – We all know Dr. Mark Jeffries by now.  He is the Michael Jordan of interns.  Setting records by storm, Jeffries has set the medical world on fire.  As an intern at the Cleveland Clinic, he’s what every doctor wishes he or she could be. Mark cured his 6th patient today, and is hanging up his stethoscope.  No, […]

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Tips for New Interns: How to Curl into the Fetal Position

We can certainly feel for all those interns starting this month: their minds are spinning and their cardiac rhythms are just shy of V-tach.  We put together this guide to help walk them through a process that they (nor we as medical students) learned in medical school: how to appropriate curl into the fetal position.  No […]

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New Ophthalmology Intern Not Sure How to Spell Ophthalmology

IOWA CITY, IA – It was a rough start to the year for first-year ophthalmology resident Tony Benage, who was recently caught trying to spell “ophthalmology,” the name of the specialty he intends to practice for the rest of his career. “I knew I needed to get the spelling down right off the bat,” admitted Benage while sitting at his […]

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