After Post Goes Viral, Gomerblog Consults ID for Antibiotics

CHICAGO, IL – Gomerblog has consulted infectious diseases specialist Dr. Johann Phlegmon at University of Chicago to help investigate why one of its posts went viral and if antibiotics are indicated at this time. “The post FDA Finally Approves The Ativan Diffuser for All Hospital Units is at 2 million shares right now,” explained Dr. 99 […]

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The Dark Web Sucks Now That My Mom Is On It

Years ago, when I first installed Tor and discovered the dark web, it was really cool. Here was a place on the internet where I could say whatever I wanted to say, do whatever I wanted to do—I could really be myself, you know? And then my 56-year-old mother decided to join. So yeah, that pretty much seals it. The dark web officially sucks now.

That’s too bad. It used to be fun going on there to anonymously purchase high-grade drugs, stolen credit card numbers, and industrial hacking tools. Not anymore. Now my mom is on the dark web doing the exact same things as me. Just this morning she was browsing TradeRoute for the best deals on MDMA, no doubt while sitting at our family’s desktop computer and sipping her first cup of coffee. She even messaged my friend MalPwned and chatted with him about Bulgarian …

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Doctor Absolutely Crushes the Lung Exam This Morning

AUSTIN, TX – The patient’s lungs never stood a chance.  After some idle chit-chat about symptoms of dyspnea and wheeze, hospitalist Miguel Ruiz proceeded to dominate the lung exam and kicks its sorry little ass all the way around the bedside until it didn’t know inhale from exhale. “Once I told him that I was still […]

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Know Your Hospital Diets

It can be confusing telling apart all those different hospital diets, so here’s a primer to break down some of the most common ones. Clear Liquid Diet – This diet consists of transparent liquids: water, broths, sports drinks, urine, and normal saline.  Advantages: If placed in a clear cup, you can look through the clear […]

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Female Surgery Resident Reliant on VA Harassment for Affirmation

LOCAL VA HOSPITAL – In what has been deemed a natural progression of surgical training, local resident Sara Lowell now counts on her interactions with patient George Franks, a 65-year-old vasculopath and VA legend, as her only at-work source of positive feedback, though it comes through the guise of VA-brand sexual harassment. “When I first met Mr […]

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Mooch: G*ddamn Goals of Care Talk Went F**king Fabulous

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Former White House communications director Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci has told Gomerblog that an impromptu family meeting and “g*ddamn” goals of care discussion he ran earlier today went absolutely *f**king fabulous.” “If you don’t f**king tell me who leaked that you might get Dilaudid, I’m going to fire everyone in this g*ddamn […]

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