SWEET TAP DANCING MOSES WHY IS IT SO HOT IN MAY? EARTH, YOU OKAY BUDDY? Keep your core temp down this unusually warm-as-balls spring with a bowl of our cold sesame noodles. Unless you’re a climate change denier then you can go eat a big bowl of dicks.
The fellas from Soup Weather podcast came by our kitchen and we talked about mushroom coffee, the Taco Bell wedding, pizza pheromones, and John Cena being a goddamn national treasure that speaks fluent Mandarin.
Now grab the stockpot and LET’S MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKIN SOUP.
Why do coworkers always ask what you ate for lunch? What kinda weak ass office gossip is that? Yes my lunch was much better than yours, you nosey motherfucker. Let’s talk about each other’s seasonal depression instead of that burrito you just shoved in your face. LEVEL UP YOUR SMALL TALK PATRICK OR GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER IN HR. Anyways, here’s a recipe for a soba noodle salad that’s so dope that it’s a worthy steal from the shared fridge. You’ve been warned.
How the fuck is Nature’s Valley still putting crumbs in bags and selling them as breakfast bars? Shit is disrespectful and a dry sponge would taste better than those crumb catastrophes. NOT OUR BARS. Perfect for on-the-go snacking and packed with fiber, these sweet sons of bitches won’t ever let you down.
What in the fuck is a “hidden valley”? And why are we importing condiments from this sketchy-ass place? Don’t trust some store-bought dressing with hidden ingredients, make your own shit. ‘Cause nobody likes barenaked veggies. #itsbeen